That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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