I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
