watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
