Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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