do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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