p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
