barbara walters just said penis...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
