R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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