hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
