Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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