I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
