He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
