You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
