I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
