i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
