I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
