Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
