They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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