Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
