Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
whose parrot is this?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
