Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
