i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
