he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
