Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
