So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
