dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
