Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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