I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
