when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
