I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
