Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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