I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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