I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
