So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
