He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
