The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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