JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
