She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
