dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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