Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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