yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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