I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
