Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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