and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
