Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
