They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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