It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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