Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
