So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
