Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
